Korea

It was eight years ago when I last saw your glowing smile.

At a blossoming age of 19, I bid what I thought was my farewell.

For the first time in eight years,

I revisit the place where we first met.

With ardent hopes of reconciliation,

Desire, lust, confusion, angst,

I rack up the courage and 

Revisit you.

But I barely recognize you.

You seem

Foreign.

You look

Foreign.

The thousands of miles separating us have been reduced

To the mere two feet of wooden shaky table between us

Yet

I’ve never felt more distant from you.

At least thousands of miles away

I could dream of you endlessly,

Relive the memories of you grasping me in your arms,

Feel my worries and fear wash away as you

Whisper murmurs of unfulfilled promises into my ear

That disappeared as fast as the condensation of your breath during winter nights,

Sending chills down my spine as your

Frozen fingertips gently trace constellations on my freckled cheeks.

Reality shatters my fantasy as

I lose myself in the vacant eyes staring into my guarded soul,

The man I proudly lived calling my first love.

I can barely piece together the words coming out of your mouth.

Like it was the first day of kindergarten all over again

And I have to use tact and body language just to

Be able to offer a reaction.

The sense of familiarity I thought you would offer

Has been replaced with barriers of all sorts.

I thought you’d made me feel like we were 19 again,

Waiting for the first digit to change and mark the end of our teens.

At a maturing age of 27, I bid my final farewell.

Not to each other,

Not to memories of us,

But to who I thought you’d be.

I won’t seek the remnants of the past in you or me,

But just know that 7,000 miles away,

Someone loves you unconditionally,

Whether you can recognize her face

Or comprehend her tongue.

You will forever be her first love.

I will forever love you.

Please don’t forget me.

To. My Birthplace

From. A Korean American Girl