Conch Shell Breaths

My childhood was rooted in reverence and gratitude for the natural world. I grew up singing Sanskrit hymns thanking the earth for carrying me on her shoulders and expressing gratitude for every shower, a blessing from the rivers. I am a product of generational wisdom and the burdens that it carries. I am the result of a constellation of lifelines supported by a tender, gentle spirituality that reminds us that we are part of the earth too.

i

consort of creation, daughter of the skies

stolen childhood and the land’s cleft lip cries

wisdom sown into my flesh tied me to land in the womb

taught music in cascading tides, secrets in harvest blooms

amma’s lullabies cradled me to dreams of earthen love

her ammaamma’s folklore nurtured the world from above

morning rituals, small palms pressed homeward bound

i was blessed to leave tender footprints on the tilled ground 

now i pray to the clouds and wait for a feeble sound

mother-tongue, mother-land, mother-earth wake up! 

did we watch as you drowned

ii

earthen secrets never linger in the winds 

forbidden whispers drift among weeping crevices

crushed marigold petals, turmeric-stained grains

caverns filled with women, with fatigue, with loss

wearily humming to the rhythm of the lands, 

closed-lip smiles carefully conceal (or perhaps illuminate)

scorch marks smoking delicately on parrot-blue saris

rain-soaked tears drowning during monsoon season 

hunk of cow butter caught in the throat, melting slowly like

honey from parched lips, morning love from peepal leaves 

let us play catch! the sweet droplets taste a little metallic

iii

mothers gingerly hand-feed their wide-eyed children 

guzzle down the food, the love, but wait for dessert 

storytime with chandamama, our sweet uncle Moon

tales of mountains that freeze time to shift their weight

and warn by broken chariot before erupting molten rage

hymns in a lost language sugarcoat fennel seeds

sleepy bellies soak in soft jaggery lullabies

the tongues of the elderly lace incense between my bones 

murmurs, whispers, stolen breaths carrying a whiff of home