Vian clenches his eyes shut as the low-setting sun blears at him. He tosses and turns to avoid the light, and sighs with frustration and discomfort as he turns back, facing the ceiling and rolling his eyes. He pushes himself up with fatigue and stumbles as he stands from the hospital bed, grabbing onto the bedside railing. He drags his feet over to the window and snaps the blinds shut. There is a quick knock at the door and it opens before Vian could voice his lack of permission. He doesn't turn around to face the visitor, he just runs a heavy hand over his face. “Why are you here again…” he sighs. He already knows it’s Asaka, here to annoy him like she does almost every day now. She can’t even let him live out his last night peacefully.
“Oh! You’re out of bed, that’s amazing!” she says, with too much enthusiasm.
“I wish I wasn’t.” Vian turns his head to look at her through unkempt brown hair.
“Well, this is a good sign. You don’t seem half as sick as you were yesterday…” She fiddles with her long white skirt as she speaks.
“Uh-huh. I have a bright twelve hours ahead of me. Maybe I could get a full night’s sleep,” he responds sarcastically.
“Aren’t you tired of always doing what everyone tells you to do? Vian, it doesn’t have to be that way you know. It’s time you take what you want! Do something fun.”
Vian doesn’t want to want anything. “No. I’m going back to sleep, Asaka.” He walks back over to his bed from the window and crawls back under his white sheets.
Asaka rushes over to his bedside. “I won’t let you!” she exclaims with frustration. “You’re having fun whether you like it, or not!”
Vian raises an eyebrow. “You sound insane. You can’t stop me, you won’t.”
He doesn’t care what Asaka thinks of him, it wouldn’t matter anyway. He lays down and shuts his eyes, but he feels her presence still looming. He opens his eyes to see her fists clenched around her white skirt with puffed red cheeks, as if she was holding her breath. Vian rolls his eyes. “Fine. What do you want?”
“No-Oh! Uh..” she stammers in almost disbelief.
“Don’t sound surprised. I can’t sleep like this.” Vian sits up and crosses his arms. “What do you want?” he repeats frustratedly.
Her eyes light up. “Just follow me,”
She offers a hand to help Vian out of bed. Vian eyes the hand, then pushes himself up on his own, to his feet. He wanted to ask, “Follow to where?” but didn't feel like it. “I don’t have shoes.” He gestures to his grippy socks on his feet.
“You won’t need ‘em where we’re going, trust me.” She smiles warmly at him.
“Whatever.”
She walks over to his window, opens it wide and climbs up, stumbling over her left leg and falling out the gap, landing on the grass two feet below. Vian follows, clenching at a pain in his stomach. Ugh. He just needs to see this through and then it will all be over. Unless this kills him now, which wouldn’t surprise him.
☀
They arrive at their destination quickly, the shoreline east of the hospital. Asaka twirls in the night breeze, giggling mischievously like a child who stole a cookie as her skirt billows. Vian throws himself onto the sand.
“You really want me dead, huh?” Vian remarks.
“Haha, I would never let you die. Now look at the beach, it’s so empty, it’s like it belongs to us.” She looks out towards the dark black ocean. “Though we are not going in the water… It looks scary.”
It does. But Vian won’t say that to her.
Asaka is a bundle of energy, behaving as though this night is limitless, having Vian build sand castles, let her bury his legs in sand, and they competed to see who could find the most constellations in the dark sky. Vian only did it because he had to, he didn’t care. But as they sat there looking at the stars, he wondered what made her care so much. It’s stupid.
“Do you just do this to feel better about yourself?” he accuses.
She turns with shock. “What?”
“All of this. I’m dying tomorrow, and you just act like nothing’s wrong. Ha, you act like it all doesn’t even exist.”
“You’re not dying. You’re fine, see?” She laughs nervously. “You’re fine now, and will be fine tomorrow too… with or without the surgery.”
Vian raises an eyebrow. “You wanna keep me from it then. That’s why we’re here.” Vian shrugs and leans back on his hands. “Well, too bad, because I’m dying no matter what.”
Asaka clenches her skirt tightly, her watery eyes narrowing. “And you just want to accept that? At least I’m trying to change all this!”
Vian lets out a half-laugh-half-sigh. “Accept it? Asaka, I’ve embraced it! I’m a dead man walking as it is, and I know nothing can be done to change that.” His eyes are dull as he says, “You’re the one holding on to a false perception of reality, for a future that doesn’t exist.”
Asaka clenches her skirt, no, her leg, even harder. “Fine! I guess it was stupid of me to think I could control it, this situation, everything. To act like everything is above and beyond normal. But it’s not.” Tears run down her cheeks as she struggles , pulling off her leg, and tossing it across the sand. A prosthetic. She breathes heavily, and Vian watches in silence, a pit in his stomach.
☀
Her breathing calms, and she wipes her eyes. “You’re right Vian… I can’t control the present, change the past, or foresee the future.” She looks down at herself for a second, then meets eyes with Vian. “But I see you, and you aren’t a dead man walking. You aren’t dead yet.”
Vian’s brows furrow at this, but Asaka continues. “You can’t act that all of this meant nothing to you. You had fun, I know you did.”
Vian stutters, “Wh- You mean all of that stuff earlier? I was forced to do that!”
Asaka eyes him sharply. “Don’t lie to me. Not anymore.”
Vian sighs and sits up, fiddling with his fingers. “And if I did?” He looks away. “It’s not going to matter anyways…I’ll just have more to lose,” he mutters.
Asaka pushes herself closer in the sand, tilting her head to make eye contact with Vian. “Vian…look at me.” His face is tense and squelched, but he refuses to cry. His hands are clasped together, and his fingernails dig into his skin. Asaka puts her hands over his. “Like you said, we can’t know what’s going to happen in the future. The future doesn’t exist yet. You’re not dead, so stop acting like it.”
Vian clenches his jaw and nods, still looking down at the sand. He calms his face, his eyes still wet, and looks into her eyes and nods again. They sit in that silence for a long while.
☀
Vian is laying on the soft sand beside Asaka, as quiet conversation has started back up. Vian lies on his back as Asaka speaks, noticing clouds cover the stars above. Night begins to fade. “Let’s go in the ocean,” Vian suggests.
Asaka turns to look at him. “Now?”
“Yeah, it’s pretty warm,” he responds, as he looks out towards the dark black waters. “Unless you’re still scared?” he teases.
Asaka giggles. “Not anymore.”
Vian picks himself up from the sand, brushes himself off, and leans, offering a hand to Asaka. She takes it gladly, and she leans on Vian, not bothering to put the prosthetic back on her left leg. Vian and her step into the deep cool waters, and Vian drops her in the water near shore with a playful snicker.
Asaka splashes in the water, landing on her bottom with a shocked expression that turns into a mischievous smile. “Oh, I see how it is.” She pushes a large wave up at Vian, soaking his pajamas and making his hair droop.
Vian shakes his hair out of his face and he turns a similar blow. They continued to splash and tease and wade in the water until the ocean turned from that deep black into a clear blue as the sun began to rise, shining its light over them once more.
The sun may not rise tomorrow, but it did today.